A Clarification. Not An Apology.

THIS IS NOT A SARCASTIC POST ON THE AC WARS --- THIS IS NOT A SARCASTIC POST ON THE AC WARS --- THIS IS NOT A SARCASTIC POST ON THE AC WARS --- THIS IS NOT A SARCASTIC POST ON THE AC WARS*

No, really. This isn’t.

For Mr. Mighty Bihari has rendered me a great service. By providing me with fodder for an update in a blog that I thought was long gone, dead and decomposed; he has necessitated yet. another. post.

Now, firstly, be clear that this is NOT a sarcastic post. The objective of this exercise, if I may humbly quote, is to express my RE-action which is necessitated by the spam volleying that followed The Great AC Wars. For my non 3rd year readers, a clarification is, however, due. Of course, this is only a clarification. Not an apology. And I swear I didn’t take anybody’s assistance in writing this.

It had all started with the ACs that were all in working condition, as The Monty had informed us in a pleasant mail. On a hot summer day, however, tempers were running high. A young girl felt ill and cold, and shivered uncontrollably when her classmates insisted that all the four air conditioners be switched on. This, however, was not to last. Her knight in shining armour, from the Indian heartland and from Lalu’s creed, came to her rescue. In the face of the cold draughts of air and a Shankara ambling in, the Mighty Bihari pushed away the perpetrators of cold and gloom, repeatedly flung the AC plug against the wall shattering it into a million little tiny pieces and saved her from the frosty clutches of death. And then, dear readers, he decided to clarify. Mind you, he did not apologise.

Never was a clarification so poignantly drafted. It was emotional, sarcastic, socially conscious and even scientific. Not only did it contain pointed philosophical comments on a life or its lack thereof, and the evils of “undemocratic majoritarian tyranny” ; it also dwelt on the thermodynamic issue of airconditioners and their cooling effect. In fact, I am of the opinion that we have accidentally struck upon a eureka discovery moment here. Such understanding of the dynamics of cold air must be patented.

It must be admitted that the AC plug ping pong (apparently, Sports Comm is considering making an event of it) was the unhealthy consequence of great debate and prior discussion between all concerned parties. The real concerned party even attempted to pull the ping pong champion away, and was nonchalantly shook off. In my opinion, that was no mere act of self popularsiation. I put forward that it was merely an act of great love, adoration and, of course, idiocy.

Anyway, the first mail had me “counting my chickens before they hatched”. I thought the war had been won. But, it is summer and tempers are obviously running high. Another mail followed. After a scientific dismissal of the theory propounded, the perpetrator of cold and gloom challenged the Bihari. The AC will remain switched on, it proclaimed. The perpetrator also claimed that he is closely related to Arindam Chaudhary. I did not see the connection; but I’m hoping someone has.

The counter –reply (and the last episode in this series, sadly) was below the belt. Some more scientific debate on the relative effects of bench proximity to the air conditioner on thermal conditions was followed by a rude dismissal of all those who have been slapped by people. Especially by their friends. There was only an address furnished for further correspondence, be it verbal or physical. No more free show, that means. :(

But, the end had not been reached yet. Of course, the sensitive folks were enraged. Oh no. They could not simply sit back and laugh, and had a penny’s worth to say. They thought that "Destroying things that are common property is just ...unacceptable."


I beg to differ. It is all acceptable. For sheer entertainment value.



Welcome back, fellows. :)



*For more details, refer to S. Kumar, “A Clarification, NOT AN APOLOGY”, ug2006 Mail Account, May (2009) and following correspondence.